Friday, December 9, 2011

Mommy Guilt

Mommy Guilt is at once a terrible and fantastic thing. And it's increasingly been my leading motivator.

Mommy Guilt first started to really kick my butt into gear last fall, when it compelled me to create the Most Fantastic Birthday for my daughter. She was turning 3 - and reaching an age where I actually have childhood memories from. This is a terrifying thought - I cannot let her have sub-par memories. She must remember childhood as a wonderful, fabulous time, full of love and awesome parenting. I let her pick a party theme, decorations, cake. I invited people over so she could feel surrounded by love. Afterwards, I debated with the Mommy Guilt over whether I should have done more. It was appeased by the fact that she had a good time.

This year, Mommy Guilt has started approaching whole new levels. Having gained success at compelling me to feel inadequate in my birthday-planning skills, it now guides me in simple daily activities. This post is prompted by the fact that I just went to the bathroom and used the ALMOST last piece of toilet paper. There's toilet paper under the sink, there's still about two pieces on the roll... but a GOOD mommy would make sure that there was a fresh roll standing in waiting, right there on the toilet. Do I want to be a good mommy or a lazy, good-for-nothing mommy who can't be bothered to get the fresh roll of toilet paper out from under the sink?

Now Mommy Guilt is questioning whether I should really have swapped out the roll so that the next person doesn't have to. Who am I kidding? The next person will probably be me. But regardless, Mommy Guilt is making the household run a bit more smoothly. And at the same time tormenting me with self-doubt!